07

Mar

Twitter murders one man’s dreams during epiphany.

Twitter murders one man’s dreams during epiphany.

my grammy nominated me for “#1 grandson 2010” but I lost to my cousin Alfie. call me and let’s up my game for 2011!

my grammy nominated me for “#1 grandson 2010” but I lost to my cousin Alfie. call me and let’s up my game for 2011!

04

Nov

I am cofounder of bogus-selfhelp-scheme, here to help you use the internet to open your bank account and pay me for spittle i regurgitated from “The Secret.” Also, in this picture, I am mid-fart.

I am cofounder of bogus-selfhelp-scheme, here to help you use the internet to open your bank account and pay me for spittle i regurgitated from “The Secret.” Also, in this picture, I am mid-fart.

This is the picture they used on my mid-90s “Wanted” poster. Don’t worry Ladies, on probation and “peeping-free” for nearly 10 years now.

This is the picture they used on my mid-90s “Wanted” poster. Don’t worry Ladies, on probation and “peeping-free” for nearly 10 years now.

I was a stripper at the Peppermint Puma for 20 years until I found “Internet.”

I was a stripper at the Peppermint Puma for 20 years until I found “Internet.”

We’re letting you silently judge yourself by baring witness to our dogged comittment to superior yet appropriately relaxed parenting: we were so busy enhancing our children’s intelectual development we couldn’t stop reading to them long enough even to strike a pose at the Mall Walk-In Photography Studio.  We’re barefoot because we’re cool, casual parents (don’t worry, we group Purell our feet together each time we change venues).

We’re letting you silently judge yourself by baring witness to our dogged comittment to superior yet appropriately relaxed parenting: we were so busy enhancing our children’s intelectual development we couldn’t stop reading to them long enough even to strike a pose at the Mall Walk-In Photography Studio.  We’re barefoot because we’re cool, casual parents (don’t worry, we group Purell our feet together each time we change venues).

01

Nov

And then a fly flew in…

And then a fly flew in…

22

Sep

Holysh*t! My camfone has color-effects! 

Holysh*t! My camfone has color-effects! 

The bow clipart kind of negates the “tough guy/model on car wistfully looking into the distance” theme. Also, why are you riding the bus: what’s up with your slick hotrod?

The bow clipart kind of negates the “tough guy/model on car wistfully looking into the distance” theme. Also, why are you riding the bus: what’s up with your slick hotrod?

Has given up on life.

Has given up on life.

This guy actually TM’d “World’s Toughest Movie Critic.” Look at them headshots! Someone used to be an actor/model (still avaiable for community theater and Sears Catalog by request).

This guy actually TM’d “World’s Toughest Movie Critic.” Look at them headshots! Someone used to be an actor/model (still avaiable for community theater and Sears Catalog by request).

Is that even a hat?

Is that even a hat?

So this is where Uncle Jesse’s hair went…

So this is where Uncle Jesse’s hair went…

All-American, Cut-Out: F*ckYeah. (And then suddenly, I became consumed with the desire to move to another country.)

All-American, Cut-Out: F*ckYeah. (And then suddenly, I became consumed with the desire to move to another country.)

21

Sep

There is something either sad and slightly ew going on here.

There is something either sad and slightly ew going on here.